Friday, July 17, 2009

Here I am!

Hey everyone! It has been a long while since I have written anything at all. I think I say that each time? Things have gone on, but nothing really worth reporting or should I say nothing that calls for working out through writing to the blog world. The things that stand out on the top of my head begin with my therapist telling me that he is leaving it up to me if I want to continue coming back on a regular basis or not. That happened at the end of June. And I actually had a feeling that it was coming. So, I guess I am "healed" or close right? hah... From the beginning his, or should I say our goal, was to get me "back to the person I was, or as close to it as possible". So, I guess that is where I am today. The next best thing to my prior self. A mommy without a child. A woman that has been to the edge and back. But, I have survived and I am still here. I think that was the point the therapist was trying to make.

The next thing is, the death of Michael Jackson, Now, I am not going to go into great detail about this because that would just bring up a lot of controversy and I am not one who is good with opinions flying about. I will just say that he was an extraordinary entertainer that left this world too soon and will greatly be missed.

And to bring us up to the present, my husband just returned from Florida. YAY! His father, brother and himself for the past three years have traveled to Florida to partake in deep sea fishing. He is gone for four or five days and I get absolutely no sleep! I cannot sleep in an empty house. Call me chicken, but it's true. Plus I missed him a great deal, so I am glad he is home. And we are up to out eyeballs in fish.

Now here is the reason for this catching up entry. Before I was pregnant with our daughter Darcy, I always believed that having a child wasn't going to be easy. Not the child part, the pregnancy part. When I was in high school I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries. I never, ever was regular and I truly believed I would need medical intervention for me to even get pregnant. When I meet my now husband, many years later we had discussed it and decided we would cross that bridge when we came to it. Well obviously I didn't need any help because two months after the wedding we had our little miracle growing inside of me. I say miracle because me getting pregnant was then much unreal to me. So, after Darcy passed away we wanted more than anything to have that joy again. Not that we were looking to replace her, but if you have been through this you understand my feelings. At my 6 week follow-up with my OBGYN the question knowingly came up "Do you and your husband plan on trying again?". I said yes and he gave us the green light. Then he said if in a few months I do not have any success in getting pregnant call the office and he can give me something that he is "pretty certain" I will conceive on. After 7 months of negatives. 7 months of waiting. 7 months of disappointments I finally called. I called and made an appointment for an agonizing month later. Ugh! Well, I waited this long right? So, on August 4th I will see just what this "pretty certain" thing is. I am trying not to get my hopes up, because nothing in my life has proven to be "certain". I will keep positive though and hopefully in a few months I will be telling you all about a new little life. A little brother or sister for Darcy Jayne.

1 comment:

  1. Welcome back!

    Let us know what this "pretty certain" thing is???