Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Faith and speculation

I am so glad the weekend is over with! It was a bad one. Chris, my husband, lost his grandmother over the weekend. We were all very close to her and it was very sudden and unexpected. We just saw her last weekend and I think it hasn't truly became a reality yet. She was a wonderful woman and will greatly be missed.

It's so amazing how things can change in the matter of minutes. I know most of you have experienced this in many different ways. Some, unfortunately more tragically than others. It's just a reminder that we are not in control of the big picture. When I was a very young girl I remember attending church. Really, attending Sunday school. Which, mostly consisted of arts and crafts with a little lesson to go along with it. Before I was old enough to think for myself and really understand what the Bible was all about, we stopped going to church. I have always believed in God and the Bible, but I've never studied it all. I always just called myself a believer. When my daughter was born and then passed, I was lost. I didn't know what to do. Somehow I stumbled upon somebody's blog about losing their child. After that it became kind of an addiction. I soon found myself looking for stories just like mine or similar to mine. At one point I thought "what is wrong with me?". Why would I want to read somebody's sorrow, someone's loss? But, then I realized that person understood what I was going through, that I can related, that I'm not alone! And it felt good. As odd as that may sound, it did. It felt good that others knew me on a certain level that people I see and interact with every day, even my best friend didn't fully understand. I felt normal and the feelings I had were normal. Some of the blogs I read really talked about their faith. And it comforted me. I have more faith than I have had before. No, I do not attend church. No, I do not read the bible. But, I am closer to taking those steps.

Praying is also something that I have taken to lately. Praying for the mothers and families that have gone through a difficult time in their life and may still be struggling to cope a loss. Or new mothers that are just starting on their journey. One story especially tugged on my heart. I don't know if anyone has kept up with the story on Little April Rose these past couple of months, but I have. It's a story about a mother that chose not to terminate her pregnancy even though her little one was diagnosed with Trisomy 13 and Holoprosencephaly and was given a very grim prognosis. There has been speculation that this was a scam and I never doubted this young, single mom for one moment until this morning. This morning was the first time I've had a chance to log on and get caught up with everyone. I learned that this little one was born over the weekend and went to read up on it. But, to my surprise her blog had been taken down. I searched around and kept finding other bloggers who had posted their speculations as well. This really hurts me because I believed her the whole time and left her upbeat comments and prayed for her and her little girl. I can't fathom somebody doing this. It's really sad. Does anyone know the truth?

Friday, June 05, 2009

A Few Words

The last 24-hours have proven how quick things can take a turn. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers as we have suffered a loss very recently. Thank you...