Skip to main content

Crawling out from under my rock

Hello again blogger world! I have been in hiding for some time.  Elliot is now 7 months old and changing everyday.  The other day I picked her up and she just looked so different from just the night before when I laid her down to sleep.  It is crazy how fast they change.  She does something new every week! In the first days of having Elliot home I couldn't imagine her being any different or doing the things she does now.  Today, I have a hard time remembering what it was like when she was so fragile and I had to support every part of her.  Now, she is a wild woman throwing her toys and practically feeding herself!  We are eating peaches, pears, peas, sweet potatoes, prunes, well you get the point, anything pureed and found in the baby food isle.  Her favorite is bananas and oatmeal for breakfast! She loves to cuddle with blankets when she falls asleep and she always has a smile on her face (except when she is hungry!). 

This year on Darcy's birthday we all 3 went to her grave site.  We tied her pink happy birthday balloon to the shephard's hook and we let 2 balloons go for her second birthday. 

I often think about what the future holds for my little girl.  When she is asked in school if she has any brothers or sisters.  How does she answer that?  Will she feel the need to explain it like I feel the need to explain it?  Will she hide it as a secret and only tell her closest friends?  Will she just say "no" when a person that isn't that close to her asks, because one is sure they are just asking to be friendly?  When is even the right time to tell her?  Do I wait until she is old enough to understand about death?  Wouldn't that be lying to her up until then?  All these questions make a lap around my brain every once in a while and I never can find the answers for them. 

She has some things that we bought for Darcy and now we have given to her and I tell her that it was her sisters.  We do talk about Darcy around her, but one day she is going to be old enough to ask who Darcy is and I don't know how to answer that one either. 

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

4 month have gone by...

Four months ago I lost my baby girl. That’s what has been on my mind all day today. If all had went the way a pregnancy is suppose to go, she would have been born this month. But, I can’t keep thinking of all of that. The days, weeks, and now months are marching on and I must too. Of course that doesn’t mean forgetting or pushing it away, but to not dwell on the “what if I did this” or “what if this had happened” or “if I just had been here”. I can’t change what happened. So, to start looking forward and honoring my daughter, I’ve thought about the up and coming March of Dimes in my area. My friend, just yesterday, invited me to join her hospital’s team. I thought that was an excellent idea and I am planning on joining her and her teammates. I would like to honor my daughter in other ways too. If anyone has any unique ideas, please feel free to share them with me. I recently took a huge step forward. It may not seem like one to others, but to me it’s a huge advance. A little back story
Post a Comment
Read more

More on March of Dimes

I am so excited about the March of Dimes walk next month! I love doing this because it makes me feel even closer to my daughter. It lets people know that she was someone that was here and they acknowledge her more. I just want everyone to realize and be aware of the things that can go wrong during pregnancy. For example, when I was pregnant with Darcy I never in a million years knew something like this could happen. That could be my own ignorance or lack of education, but I'm sure I'm not the only one unaware of a woman having a weak cervix. The night I went into the hospital before giving birth to Darcy I was in a lot of pain, but I never dreamed that I was in labor. I just thought I'd go in and get checked out and come home happy and still pregnant. The thought of coming home without my baby never crossed my mind. The March of Dimes gives mothers a chance to honor their babies that they have lost and let other know about them. I expect that day will be filled with many te
1 comment
Read more

Choices

Life is a sequence of c hoices .  We get to choose if we want to get up out of bed in the morning, go to work, how we get to work, what we are going to do when we get there. Be productive, scroll Facebook, look at pictures on Instagram.  Maybe you're going to talk to your desk neighbor for a bit before you dive into a stack of paperwork.   We get to choose .  Even though it doesn't seem like a choice , we all have to make money right? But it is. We could be a bum.  We could be homeless. Of course, nobody really lets it get that far.  I mean yes, there are homeless people.  And people that are in really bad circumstances.  But I believe we have all been through trying times, poor conditions, and terrible circumstances.  And it's all about how we choose for it to affect us. Are we going to lie down and let that truck run us over?  Or are we going to get moving and move out of the darn way?  I think that the majority of us are going to up and move out of the wa
Post a Comment
Read more