Thank goodness it is Friday! I was so happy when I woke up this morning and remembered that today is Friday. Payday at that! I don't know why payday excites me, as all the money goes to some sort of bill! But, I'm thankful that I can pay them. This weekend is exciting though because I can enjoy it without being sick! Plus I get to go to lunch with my dear friend who I love having lunch with because we can relate to a lot of the same things. Guess that is why we are friends!
As the week comes to a close I like to reflect on what has happened during last 5 days. It's crazy how so many ups and downs occur in such a small time frame. No major occurrences (thank goodness) but, one that make you stop and think where you are. This week I discovered that one of my co-workers in my department is expecting. I still don't know why I have the feelings that I do.I should be happy for the ones around me, but I still feel some sort of jealousy. I want so bad to feel excited and happy for them and I do...to an extent and then that awful feeling of jealousy creeps across me. I try to tell myself that it will be me again someday and that I should just be happy for what god had given me, but I just can't those feelings to go away. I guess in a way I feel left out or singled out. Then I get to come home to someone who knows what life in my shoes is like, my husband. I wonder if one day I will be free of these feelings.
As the week comes to a close I like to reflect on what has happened during last 5 days. It's crazy how so many ups and downs occur in such a small time frame. No major occurrences (thank goodness) but, one that make you stop and think where you are. This week I discovered that one of my co-workers in my department is expecting. I still don't know why I have the feelings that I do.I should be happy for the ones around me, but I still feel some sort of jealousy. I want so bad to feel excited and happy for them and I do...to an extent and then that awful feeling of jealousy creeps across me. I try to tell myself that it will be me again someday and that I should just be happy for what god had given me, but I just can't those feelings to go away. I guess in a way I feel left out or singled out. Then I get to come home to someone who knows what life in my shoes is like, my husband. I wonder if one day I will be free of these feelings.
Yeah, it is hard to be excited for others when you are deep in grief for your baby. There is no reason to feel bad about it, it is the way you feel. I keep telling myself that I need to own these feelings because it is all part of the process of healing. I believe they do eventually go away with time-- as long as we work them out and don't repress them
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