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TGIF

Thank goodness it is Friday! I was so happy when I woke up this morning and remembered that today is Friday. Payday at that! I don't know why payday excites me, as all the money goes to some sort of bill! But, I'm thankful that I can pay them. This weekend is exciting though because I can enjoy it without being sick! Plus I get to go to lunch with my dear friend who I love having lunch with because we can relate to a lot of the same things. Guess that is why we are friends!

As the week comes to a close I like to reflect on what has happened during last 5 days. It's crazy how so many ups and downs occur in such a small time frame. No major occurrences (thank goodness) but, one that make you stop and think where you are. This week I discovered that one of my co-workers in my department is expecting. I still don't know why I have the feelings that I do.I should be happy for the ones around me, but I still feel some sort of jealousy. I want so bad to feel excited and happy for them and I do...to an extent and then that awful feeling of jealousy creeps across me. I try to tell myself that it will be me again someday and that I should just be happy for what god had given me, but I just can't those feelings to go away. I guess in a way I feel left out or singled out. Then I get to come home to someone who knows what life in my shoes is like, my husband. I wonder if one day I will be free of these feelings.

Comments

  1. Shanti MamaApril 18, 2009 at 7:19 AM

    Yeah, it is hard to be excited for others when you are deep in grief for your baby. There is no reason to feel bad about it, it is the way you feel. I keep telling myself that I need to own these feelings because it is all part of the process of healing. I believe they do eventually go away with time-- as long as we work them out and don't repress them

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