Skip to main content

4 month have gone by...

Four months ago I lost my baby girl. That’s what has been on my mind all day today. If all had went the way a pregnancy is suppose to go, she would have been born this month. But, I can’t keep thinking of all of that. The days, weeks, and now months are marching on and I must too. Of course that doesn’t mean forgetting or pushing it away, but to not dwell on the “what if I did this” or “what if this had happened” or “if I just had been here”. I can’t change what happened. So, to start looking forward and honoring my daughter, I’ve thought about the up and coming March of Dimes in my area. My friend, just yesterday, invited me to join her hospital’s team. I thought that was an excellent idea and I am planning on joining her and her teammates. I would like to honor my daughter in other ways too. If anyone has any unique ideas, please feel free to share them with me.

I recently took a huge step forward. It may not seem like one to others, but to me it’s a huge advance. A little back story first… While I was still pregnant, a girl who was also pregnant started working in my office. She was a month ahead of me and of course that’s the majority of what we talked about. When I came back from my leave from work in December, she was really quiet towards me. I couldn’t blame her. I honestly had nothing to talk to her about either. She was still pregnant and I was extremely emotional. This week she came back to work from maternity leave, She was showing a new picture of her daughter to another girl in the office, when she saw me she quickly began to put it away. I smiled and asked her if I could see it. It was a picture of her baby smiling. It was a beautiful picture. I actually looked at it without getting emotional. That’s the first time I’ve been able to do that without getting upset. I’ve had other opportunities to see pictures of her, but I couldn’t bring myself to look. I think in doing this it helped me heal. I am going to try to continue to be strong.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Crawling out from under my rock

Hello again blogger world! I have been in hiding for some time.  Elliot is now 7 months old and changing everyday.  The other day I picked her up and she just looked so different from just the night before when I laid her down to sleep.  It is crazy how fast they change.  She does something new every week! In the first days of having Elliot home I couldn't imagine her being any different or doing the things she does now.  Today, I have a hard time remembering what it was like when she was so fragile and I had to support every part of her.  Now, she is a wild woman throwing her toys and practically feeding herself!  We are eating peaches, pears, peas, sweet potatoes, prunes, well you get the point, anything pureed and found in the baby food isle.  Her favorite is bananas and oatmeal for breakfast! She loves to cuddle with blankets when she falls asleep and she always has a smile on her face (except when she is hungry!).  This year on Darcy's...

First promotion!

This week was a big week for me in the Beachbody world! I got my first promotionšŸ‘.  I am now an Emerald coach, which means I'm officially "open for business".  Now I can qualify for team cycle bonuses and inherit customers when it comes to my turn in the coach lineup.  AND I got my first paycheck! Sooooooooo exciting.  I want to let you know that anyone can do this if they put their mind to it.  I am on an amazing team that is so supportive and helpful.  I'm even making more progress now on my fitness journey than before signing on as a coach.  This week I'm going to post my very own transformation for transformation Tuesday and I am really nervous, but I want all of you to know I'm doing this right along with you.  So keep on the lookout on my facebook page for my progress pics coming this Tuesday!  If we're not friends on facebook contact me and I'll make that happen!

TGIF

Thank goodness it is Friday! I was so happy when I woke up this morning and remembered that today is Friday. Payday at that! I don't know why payday excites me, as all the money goes to some sort of bill! But, I'm thankful that I can pay them. This weekend is exciting though because I can enjoy it without being sick! Plus I get to go to lunch with my dear friend who I love having lunch with because we can relate to a lot of the same things. Guess that is why we are friends! As the week comes to a close I like to reflect on what has happened during last 5 days. It's crazy how so many ups and downs occur in such a small time frame. No major occurrences (thank goodness) but, one that make you stop and think where you are. This week I discovered that one of my co-workers in my department is expecting. I still don't know why I have the feelings that I do.I should be happy for the ones around me, but I still feel some sort of jealousy. I want so bad to feel excited and happy ...