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February 05, 2009

It's 21 days from my due date. I should be so excited, but I'm not. I should be completely worn out, but I'm not. I should be putting the final touches on Darcy's nursery, but...I'm not. Four months ago, I was a happy little pregnant woman. My husband and I were so excited to be blessed with pregnancy. Everything was great for us. I'll start from the very beginning. It was in August when we first found out. We were making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. We had just ran to the store to pick up some things we needed to make dinner and I thought "Maybe I should pick up a pregnancy test?". I had been feeling a little unlike myself, so I thought "what the heck" I grabbed one and we were on our way. Back at our apartment my husband was preparing dinner and I decided to take the test, minutes later it was positive! We couldn't believe it, so I took the second one...you guessed it, positive. We weren't trying for a baby at the time, we were just letting whatever happens, happen and it did. We were a little nervous at first, but soon we were so excited! I made an appointment the next day with my OB doctor and it wasn't going to be for another 3 weeks at the end of August. That was the longest wait ever! When the date finally came we got to see our precious baby. We heard the heart beat, saw her/him move around and it was amazing. We were more excited now then we were before! Before it was just results on a piece of paper, now there our baby was on the screen letting his/her presence be known. It was still too early to know the sex, but we were happy to know our baby was healthy and everything was going as it should. We scheduled our next appointment and we're on our way. The next month's appointment went as well as the first one did. The doctor scheduled an ultrasound at the end of November and we would find out what the sex was then. Soon I was feeling my little one moving around in my belly and the baby especially liked it when Daddy talked. We started preparing our lives to accommodate our little blessing.

On October 20th I woke up and went to work like I usually did every Monday thru Friday. The morning continued and as I sat at my desk I felt some slight cramping coming on. I called my doctor and he assured me that I was just growing, which made sense to me since I was well on my way to 5 months along. But, when the pains became more severe I went home and called the doctor again. He directed me to the hospital, so the baby's heartbeat could be checked and some test could be ran. At the hospital everything checked out and they sent me home reassuring me I was just growing. The night pressed on and I decided to try and get some sleep. I went to bed around 9 or 10 and by 1 in the morning I had had enough. I woke my husband and we went to the emergency room. The pains were constant and I couldn't think about anything else, they were unbearable. At the hospital they checked my baby's heartbeat. It was strong, but every time the pains would come the baby's heartbeat would drop. The doctor arrived and did an ultrasound. The baby had dropped way down and the doctor informed me that we were going to have a baby tonight. I knew it was way too soon for my baby to experience the world and I dreaded what was to come. Not until she was delivered at 6:17 October 21, 2008 did I know she was a precious little girl. They did all that they could for her, but she was just too small. She passed away 6 hours later. We named her Darcy Jayne.

Now here we are, time for her to really be here and words can not explain what I feel. All these thoughts, feeling, emotions run through my head everyday and it's like there is no escaping the pain I am in. I read this quote the other day and I will leave you with it...

Sometimes love last a moment...
Sometimes love last a lifetime...
Sometimes a moment is a lifetime...

-Unknown

Comments

  1. Shanti MamaApril 18, 2009 at 7:27 AM

    I'm so sorry Darcy is not here with you. I hope this blog helps you to express your emotions and love for Darcy and ultimately helps you to heal. Deepest peace to you.

    ReplyDelete

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