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OMG!!!

All the blogs I follow are gone! Am I the only one having this problem? I hope it's just a mistake and they will all be back! YIKES!

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11 days

As the year mark inches closer I find myself thinking about the night that I went to the hospital. I find myself thinking about the moment she was born. I find myself thinking about the moment the doctors told me there was no hope. I remember when my OB told me that she was coming and I just looked at my husband who was just looking back at me. I was totally frozen. I don't know if I was in shock or if it was from the pain medication that was flowing through my system. All I knew, was that it was too soon. I remember them telling me that she was measuring smaller than what they originally thought she was. They told us that we had a choice. A choice to hold our daughter while she left this world or they could transfer her an hour away to another hospital. But, they did not believe she would survive the ambulance ride. I was frozen. We sent her an hour away. My husband went along and I stayed admitted into the hospital. Somebody who is reading this right now is probably thinking, ...

Warning...this could get messy

So, this is pretty much a rant and I apologize ahead of time for this, but sometimes you just have to get it off your chest. There is a girl at work that every time I mention about something aching or happening to me that I link to my pregnancy she insists that it's not related to my pregnancy. What the heck? She has no idea what is going on with my body! I'll just give an example from this morning. When I woke up my side hut, my lower side. So, when she asked me what was wrong today I told her my side hurt. She's like "from what?" and I said, "probably from me getting fatter". Now, before I tell you what she said, let me back up my theory of why I thought this was the reason for my side hurting. I read on one of my MANY pregnancy info sites that one of the symptoms I could be having is my side hurting from stretching, growing, ya know. Well, she says "I highly doubt that." I could understand if this girl that I work with has never been pregnan...

Rewind

I take back what I said yesterday. My life is not going back together...I kind of had a break down at work today. After that post yesterday, it all started going downhill. Can we say rollarcoaster much? ugh! When will I be "normal" again? I know I will never be the person I was a year ago, which is fine...but, when will all of the... I'm good.... Not so good.... I think I could curl up and die.... Oh, no I'm alright.... Why can't I have my daughter... Oh, no I can handle looking at a baby.... Get that baby away from me... stop?