I am so excited about the March of Dimes walk next month! I love doing this because it makes me feel even closer to my daughter. It lets people know that she was someone that was here and they acknowledge her more. I just want everyone to realize and be aware of the things that can go wrong during pregnancy. For example, when I was pregnant with Darcy I never in a million years knew something like this could happen. That could be my own ignorance or lack of education, but I'm sure I'm not the only one unaware of a woman having a weak cervix. The night I went into the hospital before giving birth to Darcy I was in a lot of pain, but I never dreamed that I was in labor. I just thought I'd go in and get checked out and come home happy and still pregnant. The thought of coming home without my baby never crossed my mind. The March of Dimes gives mothers a chance to honor their babies that they have lost and let other know about them. I expect that day will be filled with many tears. Luckily my husband will be there with me and my dear friend that I have made through this trying time. She too lost her daughter the same way and just within a week of us loosing Darcy. Without our friendship this journey would have been more painful and much harder. Darcy has changed my life in so many ways. It's hard to think such a tiny being that was here for just a short time could have such and large impact on her family's life that still continues even to this day. I am sure it will continue for the rest of our lives.
Here I sit 8 hours before my open heart surgery. I've waited to write another post since I've been having multiple emotions over the past week or so. I've cycled through fear, excitement, hope, uneasiness, and anxiousness, just to name a few. I've even wanted to call all my doctors and tell them I've changed my mind, I can't go through with it. Then I remind myself that this has to be done, I'll have to go through it at some point in my life, might as well be now when I am healthy and strong. I expected to be a mess today. Even though I feel like I've gone through today with a deer in the headlights look, I am pretty content, at ease. Elliot only spent about an hour and a half at daycare today while I did my pre-op testing. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with her since she won't get to see me while I'm in the ICU. I've talked to her as much as I can about mommy staying in the hospital. I've tried to get her excited about diff...
Thinking of you and hoping the walk is a positive day for you.
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