The little time we have...

I will think of not only my child, but all of the precious babies that could not stay with us here on earth. It is sad we have to have a day for this kind of thing. It breaks my heart to think that others have suffered the same kind of loss. I never knew this day existed until I experienced the death of our daughter. We miss her so much and think about her all the time. We love and miss you greatly, Darcy Jayne.

As the year mark inches closer I find myself thinking about the night that I went to the hospital. I find myself thinking about the moment she was born. I find myself thinking about the moment the doctors told me there was no hope. I remember when my OB told me that she was coming and I just looked at my husband who was just looking back at me. I was totally frozen. I don't know if I was in shock or if it was from the pain medication that was flowing through my system. All I knew, was that it was too soon. I remember them telling me that she was measuring smaller than what they originally thought she was. They told us that we had a choice. A choice to hold our daughter while she left this world or they could transfer her an hour away to another hospital. But, they did not believe she would survive the ambulance ride. I was frozen. We sent her an hour away. My husband went along and I stayed admitted into the hospital. Somebody who is reading this right now is probably thinking, ...

1. Wonder if every twinge or pain in your lower abdomen is from ovulation. 2. Clean the bathroom. 3. Google every possible symptom that could mean you are ovulating. 4. Mop the kitchen floor. 5. Watch last weeks episode of Jon and Kate plus eight. 6. Eat a whole pizza by yourself because you just know you have all the signs that you googled and you will need the extra calories very soon. 7. Count your days AGAIN on the calendar just in case you screwed up the last 100 times you counted them. No, I never went a bought a kit. If I get a negative I will just be in denial. Maybe I will get one tomorrow...maybe I won't Maybe I will just wait for a few weeks and see what happens.

As I mentioned a while back, I went to the OB/GYN doctor on the fourth of August. He ran some blood work to see my progesterone , FSH and LH levels.They all came back showing the classic signs of PCOS . But, I have a great doctor and he is determined to get me ovulating regularly. He says I obviously don't have a problem getting pregnant, since I've been there twice before, it's just my ovulation is out of whack. Yes, I said twice before. In February we found out that I was pregnant again, four days later I lost it. I was only five weeks along. We didn't tell our families just a few close friends. Anyway, after the test results came back my doctor started me on Metformin . I've heard of women with PCOS taking this because of insulin resistance and it helps them to regulate, but he told me that it would help decrease the risk of a miscarriage. So I started that on the eleventh. Aunt flow decided not to show up this month so he prescribed me Prometrium (progesteron...

So, I had my appointment with my OBGYN yesterday. It took an hour to see him and for him to tell me what they probably could have achieved over the phone...anyhow he wrote an order to check my progesterone level and some other things before he prescribes me something to help me ovulate. He says he is either going to give me metformin or Clomid. I was kind of expecting those drugs to come up sooner or later. I work at a hospital, so I got my blood work done ASAP and looked at the results today. One of the tests are not in, but my progesterone level was. It was very low. There is the culprit! So, my guess is he is going to put me on Clomid to get me ovulating since my body doesn't want to do it on it's own. He told me to call his office next Tuesday...hah if that last test comes in tomorrow you can bet your you know what that I am calling tomorrow! So, there is where I stand for right now. I hope this is as simple as he is making it sound and I can be happily pregnant soon.

All the blogs I follow are gone! Am I the only one having this problem? I hope it's just a mistake and they will all be back! YIKES!